I should start this message off by saying that last year, On May 20th my husband and I were delivered some terrible heartbreaking news. We were informed that our 6-1/2 week old pregnancy wasn't going to make it and that I would be having a miscarriage in the following weeks. We were devastated and broken. One year later I will be 21 weeks 1 day pregnant with a miracle baby that we prayed for every day. I'm not usually the type to live in the past but for some reason being pregnant again at this time of the year one year after that terrible news makes me scared and of course puts bad thoughts in my head.
Yesterday I started feeling a really dull pain in my very low left side. Normally I would say this is indigestion or growing pains but this time it didn't go away so I started letting my mind wander. I have been going to the restroom regularly (sorry for the tmi). But I have been and so I eliminated that, and the growing pain idea just doesn't seem right. Its not quite that type of pain. Honestly it feels like a huge cyst. I also should mention that I am starting the 1st day of week 20 today. Yay halfway point. I started to let my mind get the best of me and started worrying about the fact that I'm having this weird pain, the fact that I'm 20 weeks and still don't really feel him moving. All these things started to play on my mind and I couldn't help but call the Dr. (which I've been so good about not doing.) I have only called my Dr. when I saw blood otherwise I just sucked it up and let it pass and then my apt would come and everything was fine. But I gave in this time. Maybe because of the events I'm remembering, I don't know? I feel silly though. I feel like I should have some more self control not to freak out and call the doctor for a pain that's not normal. Pregnancy is all about not normal pains. But yet I called and now I'm going to the doctor Thursday morning at 8:30 just for piece of mind. The nurse was SOOO sweet and understanding but I still feel silly for making it probably way more than it is.
Its amazing what your mind can do to you. I need to learn to be a stronger person. To stand above these thoughts and worries. I need to just keep praying and let God handle it.
So I have to say "God please help our angel baby to keep growing safely and healthy and for my body to be a safe good place for him to grow and become ready to live in this world with us".
Thanks for listening girls. Sometimes I feel the only thing I can do is just let it out to you guys.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
6 comments:
It's not silly at all to call the dr when you're nervous about something -- that's what they're there for. GL on Thursday and I'll be thinking about you. hugs.
of course youre going to worry. its normal and expected! im so glad you get to go to the doc for that peace of mind.
You were right to call the doctor. It's better to err on the side of caution than to throw it to the wind. I'm sure it's nothing. I kept thinking my stomach pains were something terrible to, but they're just a part of pregnancy, most of the time. Take it easy until your appointment and try your very best not to get too worried. You and baby will be just fine.
Hey sweetie, I nominated your blog for a sisterhood award :-)
I agree that you will worry and that it is normal. I know that when I get my bfp that sticks, I will worry the entire time! I have faith that your little one is thriving in there and will arrive healthy and happy!
Don't worry, worrying is normal. No pun intended. I hope you find that all is well tomorrow.
Post a Comment