The cysts are at it again

The cysts are back. I can't believe I was stupid enough to think that because I just had a baby that I might actually have one regular cycle. YAH RIGHT!
Let me just give those of you who don't know a quick reminder of my past monthly cycles and struggles with inferility. I have Polycystic Ovarian syndrome. I don't always ovulate and when I do who knows when it will be. We tried for years, then tried fertility drugs, IUI'S and Trigger shots. Then it was onto IFV. As so many of you have done yourselves. So that brings us to today. I'm not saying I don't know what PCOS is and what it intales. All I'm saying is that for some stupid reason I seriously got excited at the thought that when I stopped nursing that my body would have a month or two that it acutally ovulated when it was supposed to. I would have been completely fine with getting pregnant immediately with number two if it could happen on its own and that meant we didn't have to go through all the meds, emotions, money and worries that IVF brings. But unfortunately I was WAY WRONG! Of course the first cycle I was supposed to have was all messed up just like before I got pregnant. I started. Three days later I stopped. Then 8 days later I started again, lightly for 3 days. Then wham I stopped again. Now I have a lovely cyst on my face. One of those fabulous painful bumps you get on your face. Trust me you would know if you've ever had one. They are horrible. You can't mess with them it just makes it worst. Its just a hard red, painfull, throbbing solid bump on your face. They are terrible and I only get them when I'm not on something to help regulate my periods. Of course I had to get one now.
Even worse is that today is our family Christmas pictures and I had to ask my cousin (who is the photographer) is she could edit out the hideous red lump on my chin. Luckily she thinks she can but seriously its like I'm fifteen all over again. Not to mention the pain involved.
Today I finally let it sink in that it is near impossible for me to ever get pregnant on my own and that I better brace myself for another round of meds, more years of issues.
I want all of you to know that I am SO BLESSED and so thankful for my angel baby Cooper. I'm not trying to be selfish. I want to try for more babies and of course it doesn't sound too appealing when it means I have to put my body through even more meds, even more stress to get it but its all worth it so I most definitely plan on doing it. I just feel stupid for letting myself actually sit here and think that I might be able to get prego on my own this time. Did I learn nothing from the time before I was pregnant?
Anyways, I just wanted to mention this because Its like it hit me like a ton of bricks today and made me really sad. Its times like these that I just don't understand why some of us have so much trouble having babies. And its usually the women who will be amazing parents. People who deserve to have children, to love and raise right. It amazes me that we are the ones who have to do all of this. But I know it all happens for a reason, I know that God will take us through this. That God is making these things happen this way for a reason. I also know deep in my heart that I'm meant to have a few more kids in this life. I know it will happen and I just pray right now that God give us more miracles and for the strength to get through whatever we have to do to get them.

I also would like to pray for all women, women who have no children yet and women who do have children. That they will feel Gods presense in there life. That they will be strong and believe in his work.