Everything looked good so far.

So we went to the doc today, and it went really well I would say:)!!!!
I mean its still so early and so much is still so scary and iffy but I'm really emotionally attached to this little angel growing inside of me already. I feel like this one is real, like this will be my life, my future. This is my little future life growing inside of me. That's what really scares me, the what if I'm wrong and something goes wrong? But I can't live that way so I'm embracing this angel and I'm praying my heart out with the help of tons of great friends and family and I'm going to enjoy every little step of this.

We did our early pregnancy questionnaire with our nurse, had a ton of blood tests and did our US. There it was, our little baby. The sack looked good and in the middle was a tiny spec of white, way to early for a heartbeat but still the yolk sac was there (that's weird to say yolk sac, Am I the only one who wish there was a better way to explain your early baby growth). But there it was looking good but not quite human form yet. I love love loved it.

My husband Mr. tough guy was sitting there all happy and content with Dr. N. looking and talking very pleased with what he saw. I thought J was going to cry (OK maybe not I can't be sure but it looked like he was entranced in happiness). It was great, They gave us the what to expect when your expecting book, tons of magazines, free prenatal vitamins and meds I might want or need. It was all becoming real finally.

I am however only 5 weeks and 4 days today. That seems so scary, so early. I just want to be in some sort of safe zone, I wish I could see the future and see that all will be great.
Either way yesterday was great. The doctor seemed pleased with what he saw, we go back again next Friday and then the next Friday after that until they can get a heartbeat. I can't wait to hear that. What an amazing thing to experience. :)

I have to tell you that I asked my Dr. a question and his facial expression was hilarious. I actually asked him if my jeans cutting into my tummy could hurt the tiny baby deep inside me. I know, I know its ridiculous. Since first of all I'm not growing at all yet so my jeans being tight is just from me buying to small of jeans and since all the invitro meds are making me swollen still they seem to stick to me like glue. But I'm suddenly so much more aware of my stomach and things tightening around it. I felt silly because he laughed at me and said "no" very blatantly and laughed and said this exact sentence to me "your baby is really low in you right now, basically down in your vagagay, so your jeans can't hurt it" (or however you spell that). It was hilarious. I felt like such a dork but I don't know??? I just wanted to check any small thing that could mess anything up. Anyways it was funny. OK I'll stop now but seriously thanks for following us, Its more than amazing having people who follow and support us.

*Thanks to all of you who are thinking of us and praying for us. It means more than I can ever explain. Keep them coming, we can never have enough prayers and supporters.

Now onto next Friday, Keep growing little one.

Waiting for Friday!!!!

Well we went to the dr. again last Thursday and my hcg levels were rising correctly, We can't thank God enough for that. We don't have any other appointments until Friday, They scheduled our first ultrasound on Friday and I'm excited and nervouse, I just want to see that everything is ok. That all of everything is what its supposed to be!
So I guess until Friday, any prayers are appreciated. :)

ITS POSITIVE!

Today I went in for my blood test. It came back positive. I feel truly blessed that God heard our prayers and is answering them. I am of course very nervous because we go back on Thursday to find out if the hcg levels are rising correctly. PLEASE LORD HELP THEM TO RISE CORRECTLY. We've had a miscarriage in the past and wasn't sure what the cause was so we of course are being very careful about our celebration of hearing the news today. However we are both ecstatic and grateful that this step is a positive step and we look for more good steps ahead.
I had asked my Dr.s office not to call me at work to reveal the test results. I knew that with all my hormones and everything that hearing it (if it might have been bad news) would have only made me break down at work, Not a place I would really choose to have a breakdown.
So my husband requested for them to call him on his cell phone. We agreed the night before that no matter what we wouldn't talk about it until I got home. So even if he knew the results he couldn't tell me.
I am walking out of work at 5:00 and hanging from my car door was a hat, a little snow beanie.
An OSU snow beanie. Funny because you see I'm not a fan of OSU, I'm a very big fan of OU as well as many other employees I work with. So I picked up the hat and said, what in the world? Who put this on my car, that's not very funny. I'm so not picking up on whats going on here yet.....
Finally it clicks, the hat was so small, its a babies hat (all this happened in only a minute or so). I start to well up with tears and out of the corner of my eye I see my husband running from the parking lot next to my work parking lot. He had come to my work to surprise me with the test results, I was completely taken by surprise. I honestly thought it would come out negative and I was shocked when this all happened.
Needless to say, We cried, we laughed it was great. Now we just have to pray our hearts out that God hears us praying for our sweet baby, for there health, for this to be a good pregnancy, for this to last 9 safe months and end in a beautiful healthy angel baby.
Thank you God, You blessed us with this news today and I truly am grateful for this gift. Please help us to make it real and live and in our hands.

Back from the final part of the IVF

We just got home from St. Louis. Hopefully for the very last time in a long long time!
We went there on Tuesday night, the six hour drive wasn't fun as usual but Julian and I played a little name that tune on our way and I read a book, drove, and then finally watched "how to loose a guy in ten days" I love that movie.
Anyways the transfer was scheduled for the next morning Wednesday. They were supposed to call us and let us know the exact time. By about 10:00 still no word from them. I was starting to get worried and finally my phone rang. Our coordinator says to me that basically they aren't doing the transfer on day 5 because the embryos weren't growing quite right. They hadn't made it to blastocyste's yet. ALL 12 OF THEM! I almost had a heart attach. She tells me that she will call the next morning to let us know how they are then and we will see what we will do then.
I hung up the phone start having a panic attack and my husband wants more answers like "all 12 of the embryos are slow?" "what went wrong since they all looked great on day 3" and "is this common". things like that. so he calls them back and talks to the embryologist who tells him that they just weren't growing fast enough and they wanted to wait one more day to see if they reached the stage they needed to be at and that it could go either way.
WELL SHIT! There you go, my nerves were shot for the rest of the day. Ya go on and enjoy your day while we possibly may have to leave after all we went through without even getting to try.
We spent the day trying to keep ourselves busy and we ended up having a really nice night, we saw a movie had dinner at a great restaurant and of course I prayed all day long throughout the day. The next morning after sleepless hotel night number 2, we got a call and they said that YES! they were doing the transfer that day so I cried with happiness and we left to do the transfer. Dr. A tells us when we get there that they were only able to get 1 out of all of them to make it to the blastocyst stage. He says he has no idea what went wrong with the other 11? I know I'm curious because they all looked great on day 3. But anyways 1 is fine, I'm not selfish even if it does take our chances down one can still be our precious little baby! So we were thrilled but my only fear is besides the fact they only put in 1 its a 2. They don't do A, B, or C on the quality they do 1, 2, 3 with 1 being the best. Ours wasn't a 1 it was a 2. That scares me to death. Does that mean it might miscarry easier? I'm not positive on the meaning but I will read up on it. Either way we will be praying for a positive beta test on Tuesday next week and we will be praying for a healthy pregnancy so any prayers are very appreciated at this time.
Until them I did the whole 24 hours of bed rest I even took an extra day to lay around and be extra safe and now I'm going to unwind in my house and enjoy my weekend! Ah life! Its crazy sometimes but amazing as well. I hope I get to experience a miracle here~

OUCH

OK so nobody told me the egg retrieval would feel that way. Maybe I'm just a big whiner but it hurts.
We had the retrieval on Friday morning. The 6 hour car drive home was a blur to me as I was still highly medicated from the surgery. Once I finally pulled myself up and walked into a bathroom to try to go I started feeling nauseous. I never got sick but I felt uneasy the rest of the drive home. I slept all day Friday and all day Yesterday. Today I am finally getting myself together to try to go to church. Maybe I'll even treat myself to see a movie with my bf I can't wait to see Bride wars.
Another thing I was unaware of was the hellish progesterone shots that they gave me to take starting Friday night. The shot that goes in your upper ass muscle and has a huge needle and takes forever for the oils to dispense into your skin. I was exhausted, still drugged, and nauseous. Laying on the couch as my husband approached me and mentioned that we had to do this shot. As soon as I saw the needle I burst into tears. I swear at one point I yelled at him "Please don't do that to me, I've been through enough today". Poor J. He was feeling terrible that he had to give that monster shot to me as it was, I totally made it worse.
We finally did the shot, and it wasn't as bad as I thought. But still it wasn't fun.
I'm not such a basket case today but I'm still a little sore from all the poking and prodding. My stomach feels really tender. All of this is worth it though so we can have our little angels. I'm ready for them to implant them and just wait and hope and pray that we can become parents.
I just keep telling myself that, this is all worth it. And I know it is!

Its time to go!

I went to the dr. this morning and they told me its time to leave to go have the ivf. I'm so excited! So I'm leaving work at 2:00 today to go pack my bags get my hubby and hit the road. We have our first appt with the clinic tomorrow morning at 8:30.
My ovaries are hurting like crazy, and I'm pretty sure I haven't slept more than 4 hours a night every night this past week (I'm not sure if thats a mental thing or the uncomfortable feeling in my tummy).
Either way we are heading out tonight. I appreciate any prayers. It can only help!

oops I forgot to add these pics.