Cysts

Do you ever sit back and look at everything it takes in your body to be able to have a regular cycle, ovulate, and somehow manage to get pregnant all on your own? I do just about every single day. There are so many issues that can cause infertility. Mine just so happens to be polycystic ovarian syndrome. Although they say its uncommon, I think that's a bunch of BULL. I know so many girls who struggle with this issue.
My point in bringing this up is, My friend Shannon who I speak about on this blog sometimes. She is the one that just went through IVF and unfortunately it was an unsuccessful round. They are back though and going strong and are ready to try again. Things were being set up, meds were ordered and then she went in for an ultrasound where they told her that she had cysts on her ovaries. Not cysts like I usually get that are filled with a clear liquid. Her's are filled with blood. I did some major research on this, Because I for some reason feel the need to understand why this happened to her. Apparently this is caused in women that have endometriosis. My heart is breaking for Shannon and her husband. They are delivered bad news every time they go to the dr. Each time more is added to the plate of issues that are already existing. Yet they are drudging along trying to beat through all of this. I try to be there for them, but honestly I don't always know what to say. My husband and I struggled to have a baby, yes! We cried, we laughed, we worried. It took years, however hearing about her issues and what they are going through makes my situation seem so easy. I hope I'm being strong and there for them. I hope we help them to laugh and smile when times are tough. I always keep them in my daily prayers. Please do pray for them everyone.

My point of all of this is, while reading up on her cyst situation. I started reading more on PCOS (my issue). I read about it all the time, usually the same thing in different words from a different dr. I'm terrified to try again. I'm not trying to be selfish in talking about having another baby when people around me are struggling for one. I am just thinking of my future. I'm seeing the pain and remembering the difficulties and sadness that we felt and I'm scared. I'm scared for my friend, I'm scared for anyone else I know that might be faced with things like this, I'm scared for Julian and I the next time we try. Its like I read about it probably monthly thinking that something will catch my eye that can help our issues or Shannon's or someone else I know who is struggling. You can diet, you can eat well and healthy, you can exercise. These are all things that you can do at home to help your chances of actually ovulating and working correctly. All things that could kick your body into gear so you don't have to do fertility treatments or IVF. However it works for some people and they conceive on their own, it doesn't work for everyone. I get this excited feeling inside of me at the thought of starting to exercise (since I never exercise) and then suddenly my ovaries will work correctly and my body does what it was supposed to do all along and I get pregnant on my own. Wow, can you imagine. My husband and I would love to add to our family in the near future. However we are waiting a while longer. But when we do, I always hold out some hope that I might be able to do something small and change my whole body. Doubtful I know but I can always hope.
That's what I do when it comes to my friend. I hope, I imagine, I pray and I think that somehow, some way she will be able to get pregnant. I am researching each time she calls me trying to see if there is anything that she can do herself to help her chances. Something the dr. didn't mention. I can't imagine what they are thinking while going through these struggles. But it just makes you take a step back and remember what its like to be going through things like they are. I don't look forward to it, that's for sure. But no matter how hard it gets, its all worth it. I just hope they feel support and faith! Its the only thing that can get you through it all and unfortunately when your constantly given bad news after bad news you start to loose the faith that you once held so strong. God is a mysterious miracle worker, I do believe that. I may not understand his reasons for making our path's the way they are sometimes but I know he can work miracles and I know he turns things around and makes us happy and fulfilled somehow in the end. Oddly enough, when I was trying so diligently to get pregnant with Cooper my faith was at an all time high. Not just because I needed something. But because you turn to God and you realize that the only thing, the only way that things can work is through him. I always new that but for once I had nothing else to hold onto. I had no control and I had to put complete faith in him. If I got bad news I would cry, I would ask why, I would be angry, upset, worried. But in the end of my breakdown, I felt this shining light inside of me. It seemed to say "things will work out fine, and you will be happy in the end". I needed to listen to that light, I needed to believe that it was there and true. I do believe. I believe God was comforting me through my tears and giving me hope.
I know this is a long drawn out post. I just feel like PCOS is part of who I am whether I want it to be or not. Its a huge part of my future and my struggles. Its a huge part of what made my faith so much more strong. It brought me closer to God, and my husband. It made me want to be a better person. I hate that I have this issue, I hate that I struggle to get pregnant. But I love how its changed me. Its really strange.
I hope that my friend and anyone else who is struggling, whether its their first baby or their third. I hope that the struggles turn into smile. I hope that God blesses them. That he hears our prayers for each other. I hope that we ultimately are all blessed and feel like God did what he knew would be wonderful for us in our lives. I hope we can all remember to trust in God even when we are angry, upset, and things aren't working. Its so hard to do that, but I hope we can all try our hardest.

Ok ok, I'm done. Sometimes I get really deep and emotional when it comes to infertility. I appreciate anyone who sat and listened to my random rant.

I want to update any of you who were leaving me sweet "I hope Cooper gets better" messages the past few days. Thank you so much girls.
Yes he is doing much much better. He's back to his usual self, sleeping well and getting into everything he possibly can :) He is back to crawling across the room and going toward our dogs bed and I say "Cooper, no no". "Mommy says no Coop". He looks at me with big round eyes as if he understands me and he's trying to decide what he wants to do about what I said. Then he breaks out in a huge smile and turns around and goes straight into the dogs bed :) Little monster. He is a mess. You can't help but laugh a little(I'm going to have to work on that). But I do give him credit, He knows his name and I'm pretty sure he gets that mommy doesn't want him going where he is going. He gives me a second to acknowledge me then just smiles as he completely ignores me.

I hope your all having a nice Friday :)